clumsy cola

Cool new park on the Mississippi River.

2011-07-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

Was riding my bike up to Northeast and found this cool new park, it incorporates the natural landscape into its design with tree logs, boulders and water. The water feature was my favorite, pumps are used to create a stream which children can then stomp around in! The real test will be today when I take the children to check it out..

Rhythm

2011-04-28T09:13:00.001-05:00

I have been in Minneapolis for 14 years.

Sorry, had to pause and take that in for a minute. Sheeesh.
When I moved here it was going to be a little jaunt to see what the city was like, explore the midwest, and then move on. I had high hopes of moving back to Philly or to head south to New Orleans for some song and dance, but somehow I got stuck. For years there has been talk of leaving, searching for the perfect place to inhabit, planning and scheming and scouring the internet. In the winter I want to move towards the warmth, in the summer I want to be near the ocean, while driving out in the corn fields I want to be near the mountains... Needless to say this train of thought can drive a girl batty!
Well, while suffering from my 'grass is always greener' malady, something curious happened. I started to look forward to that moment when the trees first show their leaves, and a soft yellowish-green washes over the dull brown of winter. I would become antsy in late winter to get into Lake Nokomis and swim. I looked forward to The Mayday Parade, The art festival in Loring Park, and winter nature walks at Woodlake. I always make a point to bike on the River road during the fall to see the many colors of trees, to feel and smell the leaves as the wind swirled around me.
At about year ten is when I realized what had happened. I liked it here. I became conscious of the rhythm of the city and felt a intrinsic pull to be a part of it. I thought it was neat how I knew when the trees would show their new leaves, and I could sense rain coming in by the color of the sky. I knew if I would show up at The Otter club around ten at night on a Friday, I was going to see some pretty good karaoke. And I love the ice cream at Sonny's best.
The tempo of this city is now within me, whether I want it or not. And after 14 years here I guess it would be reasonable to admit this is my home.

Welcome home coal.

Is it really true!?

2011-03-19T09:22:00.000-05:00

I took a walk around the garden yesterday, and low and behold, under the crusted snow and layer of leaf litter- THERE IS LIFE! I am shaking with joy!

Some cool old photos I found of Powderhorn Park

2011-03-16T06:54:00.000-05:00

My park. It is amazing how it has changed, nature is ephemeral art at its best!

Idle hands make rain chains.

2011-02-17T10:52:00.000-06:00

Last summer I made a series of rain chains and hung them around the yard. Yesterday I went out back and noticed how pretty they are in winter!

For Jen- A bit clunky of a paper, but ya'know...

2011-02-16T05:32:00.002-06:00

During the summer between 4th and 5th grade my family moved to an apartment outside Philadelphia. The apartment was right next to the train tracks, with a gas station on the corner, and the token cheesesteak joint on the next block. The least impressive aspect of my new home was the graveyard across the street. Needless to say I was mortified, not only was I starting a new school and beginning the task of making new friends, I was then faced with the notion that I would forever be labeled “the freak that lived next to the cemetery”! As I got older I began to appreciate the inherent beauty in that cemetery- the rolling hills, massive trees, the quietness. And I also began to think about the lives of the people buried there and the cyclical nature of life. This space enveloped me in mystery; it heightened my senses and sparks a feeling of calmness, ultimately becoming a place of peace and introspectiveness, my behavior change once I crossed the gate. Why would a park with dead people buried in it do this to me? And were these changes in my demeanor socially constructed or naturally inherent in me?
When we talk about sacred spaces we need to understand the profound cultural and religious differences we have in our society. Words like sacred or god are used as though they mean the same thing to everyone, but in contrary, every person has there own take on what spirituality is, and with that line of thought they surmise what happens in the after life. Another theory around sacred space is, of course, that it is sacred because it is interpreted as being sacred, that is to say, human beings react to that space as if it is a sacred site, and pass the behavior on.
Lakewood Cemetery is formerly an agricultural village for the Dakota people, and for them the space is sacred because of its proximity to Lake Calhoun for growing rice, as well as the landscape was conducive for ceremony. For the last century plus the space has been used for burying our dead, using elaborate rituals to preserve their memory, imbedding the idea that a sacred space can be identified by the human response to that particular place. For example, people come to put flowers on a site, light candles, place a cross near a grave, and come again and again to a site to pay tribute to it. Lakewood is beautiful, a picturesque place to spend all of eternity, but I am pretty sure the people buried there do not care; it is a place for the living. Lakewood has the soft, rolling hills, mature trees that frame your sight lines, and a mystery of who these people were, as well as who comes to visit their graves today. Maybe it is in our psyche to have physical indication of our loved ones, to solidify their existence for the generations to come. Our existence is so entangled with history; markers to define that history may help add clarity to our life.
Lakewood Cemetery is a very natural, picturesque space in an urban setting. And nature is often thought as an inherently sacred asset. So to bury our dead with an intrinsically charged space would not only define the importance of the area, it would also be a nice place to visit. The harmony of nature adds balance to our hectic life, so time set aside to honor our history in a pretty setting doesn’t sound bad!
I look at cemeteries with many biases: preconceived notions on religions, ecological implications, waste of space to name a few. But once I get past these barriers I do understand the importance that most cultures place on ceremony around the dead, and our way to immortalize people we love, honor and respect are very important to our history. Minneapolis has a rich history full of amazing people, and we are lucky to have a beautiful setting to pay tribute to them in.

2011-02-13T08:05:00.003-06:00

When I was 6 my parents moved my brother and I to the east coast. Till then we had lived in Sacramento where our extended family resided. We went from having aunts and uncles babysitting us, Grandma and Grandpa feeding us, and a gaggle of cousins entertaining us, to just us. The move was a big adjustment for everyone involved, but my west coast family took it very hard. They insisted my brother and I come visit every summer so the family could reconnect. It was on one of these visits I discovered a place that for the rest of my life has evoked both sentiments of my childhood as well as a reminder of our rich historical past.
In San Francisco just Southwest of Golden Gate Park, sits the ruins of Sutro Baths, a once expansive bathhouse. Built in 1896, it featured seven pools, a museum, and amphitheatre, all housed under an iron and glass roof. The Sutro Baths had a turbulent existence until it closed in 1966. In that same year a mysterious fire engulfed the baths, leaving only fragments of the glorious buildings. Today Sutro Bath Ruins is owned by the National Park Service, and is a special escape within the city with beautiful views of the Pacific Ocean.
I was thirteen the first time I visited the Sutro Baths. I remember stepping out of the car into the dirt parking lot and getting my first glimpse of the ocean crashing against the ruins. Below the lot was a deep decent down to the beach, which was littered with the decay of what looked to be a once magnificent structure. Exposed pipes cantilevered over the still water trapped within the structures. Rusty iron crumpled from fire and waves, jutted haphazardly from the wreckage, creating a frolicsome playground ready to be explored! As I was galloping down the steep cliff I stopped to gather my footings, I became aware of beyond the ruins. I took in the immenseness of the ocean; I listened to the rhythm of the waves crash on the rocks, which seemed to contradict the stillness of the space. I felt as if I were standing on the very edge of the world, between civilization and make believe.
Once down the bluff I began scuttling along the brittle pylons, jumping from one wall to the next, avoiding the cold, algae covered water below. I soon found a wall that was sturdy enough to negotiate across to the other side, where hidden in the cliffs, I caught sight of a cave. I clumsily walked across, stopping midway to look out towards the ocean and listened to the sea lions on Seal Rock gently bellowing towards their young ones, then continued on till I found solid ground. As I began to enter the cave I could start to feel the vibrations of the waves pummeling the outer edges of the cliff. The acoustics within were wondrous and eerie, amplified and rhythmically soothing. As I continued through I imagined the silhouettes of the rocks outside being chiseled away, perpetually transforming their shape. As I exited the cave I came upon monumental boulders precariously strewed along the ridge. The waters edge was not too far and I began navigated the wet rocks. Though the decent was arduous at times, I managed to scramble out to the endmost boulder, where I was surrounded by water with no one else in sight. And I felt engaged.
I have visited the Sutro Baths on many occasions, and each time I am filled with a remembrance of who I was, and who I wanted to become. It is a landscape that evolves with the natural elements, has historical ties to the past and can evoke emotional ties to my past; It is places like this I want to protect, as well as create for future generations. Today we are seeing more moves to reclaim notable landmarks and transforming them into a space that gives a nod towards the past, yet is designed for a sustainable future.

The story of Sadie and how I knew Luci would always be my friend.

2011-01-30T21:38:00.000-06:00

An English professor had given out an assignment to make a lesson plan and teach the class for a day. I did some research and found the perfect experiment for my lesson that focused on empathy. After a few preparations were made, and many discussions with my professor were had, my time had come. I walked into the room with a scowl on my face and aggression in my step, and forcefully banged my books on the table. I glared at my fellow classmates for a moment, left the room only to reappear with a fish bowl, which I placed on the table. Inside was a little gold fish named Sadie. Giving them an indignant scan, I began talking to my class firmly, “ No one is to speak. No one is to get out of his or her seats. If anyone even moves in the slightest I will flunk you for this lesson and you will lose a letter grade. Do I make myself clear?” All eyes were on me and not a sound could be heard. I proceeded to take Sadie out of her bowl and plop her down on the table. I sat down in a chair and waited for what seemed like an eternity, watching my little fish flop around. Not one person stood up; no one blinked. This classroom full of a diverse group of grown adults sat there and watched my fish slowly die; then Luci stood up. Luci calmly got to her feet, walked over to Sadie and put her back in the bowl. She then looked me squarely in the eyes and said, “That is not cool.”

Though disappointed in my fellow classmates for their lack of compassion, I did realize it only takes one individual to take a stance against adversity. Education is one of my stepping-stones towards enhancing my ability to stand up and make changes, as well as to apply my knowledge in a relevant and innovative manner. My decisions about how to build or design can significantly impact the quality of life for individuals in that community. Making powerful, positive decisions on how to manage the land is a responsibility I will not take lightly. I want to help evolve the process of building our environments, by fostering connectable and influential designs, to do my part to create beautiful, functional, and artful spaces that help bring together the people that use it.

School Work

2011-01-22T08:50:00.001-06:00

Minnesota Arboretum garden study.

The state of the garden.

2010-09-18T16:35:00.005-05:00

Tomatoes.

Butterfly and bee- BFF!

Chimes with skateboard wheel!

Potted plants.

Grass plumes.

Snake gourd.

Clematis fuzzy wuzzy.

Lantern.

Blazing Star.

Humming Bird feeder.

Last blooms.

Just a part of our snake gourd collection we have been growing.

The fire pit patio.

It's a jungle!

2010-09-03T05:49:00.003-05:00

I went on a five day workshop on site analysis in Itasca State Park last weekend and was particularly moved by the prairie we saw. The sounds of the wind, the movement of the grass and the shape of the landscape were sensational. I sat on a hill and watched the activity of the plants, as well as the cloud shadows roll across the land, and it reminded me of the ocean. I felt like I was flowing with prairie, moving along with it, being swept away..

When you need a smile..

2010-07-30T10:48:00.002-05:00

This video always has me and the kids buckled over with laughter!

Balance

2010-07-20T10:02:00.002-05:00

If I could reign in these elements to a nice even balance, life would be steadfast. But what fun is that?

2010-06-17T21:43:00.003-05:00

A crazy storm rolled through and I snapped a few pictures of some super cool clouds!

2010-05-11T13:25:00.005-05:00

The Husband came to me a little over a month ago with an idea. It started out small and discrete, yet, like most of his "brilliant" ideas, turned into a much grander nod to his childhood. We are now the proud owners of a 24X10 mini ramp (although I get really upset if anyone claims it mini) that takes up a third of my backyard.

120

2010-05-10T07:50:00.003-05:00

Well I cannot commit to the 365 trend of blogging and photo-ing.. But 120 days of summer could be my thing! I will post an event that happens everyday this summer, and will accompany it with my staggering, dorky wit..

Update. Wow, again dropped the ball on this one! Hehe-whew.....

2010-04-30T11:43:00.002-05:00

My first almost all computer generated garden... Felt a little wrong, but was a lot of fun to put together. The site is the Bee Lab on the St. Paul campus.

1905

2010-04-26T05:33:00.003-05:00

1905- 4 days before the San Fransisco Earthquake and fire. A trip down Market Street, this is amazing and eerie.
Thanks Dad for sharing such a great piece of history.

Oxymoronic

2010-04-23T09:31:00.004-05:00

Support your local independent everything. On a VW.

Eat drink and buy local. On a Honda.

Buy organic local and fair made. On a Jetta.

Eat drink and buy local. On a Prius.

Eat drink and buy local. On a honda.

Buy local and buy fair. On a Rav-4.

Stupid people.

I didn't think Obama could be any better!

2009-10-11T08:20:00.001-05:00

Who is driving this thing?

2009-07-19T10:07:00.001-05:00

Who is driving this thing?, originally uploaded by clumsycola.

Some of the neighborhood kids of 17th Ave. piled into Charlie's 54 Chevy.

Bye Bye Grass

2009-07-17T07:57:00.003-05:00

Ah my boulevard is grass free...

Not that I cared for it, or even mowed it for that matter, it was basically a dirt pit for the neighborhood kids to ride their bikes through.. But now it has over 50 day lillies and the cedar boxes are filled... Ahh, accomplishment feels so good!

But now I get to be one of those old ladies who yells at the kids to stay out of her flowers! Bring it on kiddies...

DRAT! The Squash Borer Beetle strikes again!!

2009-07-13T14:57:00.004-05:00

Dammit, the last four of the six years this bugger has gotten me, turning my squash to an icky, gooey mess... We'll that is it, I am throwing in the towel on this plant... fresh Zucchini will have to come from the farmers market and not by garden.

Th exciting part is A LOT of veggie real estate just opened up- what 4 sq. feet? Anyone have any grand ideas of an exotic veggie that will grow in zone 4a?

what's going on in that mess of a garden over there?

2009-07-07T07:29:00.005-05:00

Kunstler

2009-07-06T15:33:00.000-05:00

Saw this in school last semester and LOVED him!

Adventure!

2009-07-06T07:43:00.011-05:00

So yesterday the kids and I were heading out for like an hour long bike ride around the lake. I packed the usual arsenal of bathing suits, tools, gum, sunscreen, snacks, hats, lunch, towels, bike pump, water, bike locks, cell phone and check card- to be prepared for what "may" happen.. As with all bike trips, we stopped by the Grand Rounds map to plot out a course that incorporates as many playgrounds, swimming beaches, and snack potentials as possible.. And after two hours of preparing we were ready for the one hour bike ride.. I love spontaneity.

The whining started about a half a mile down the trail with the boy, who wanted to take a break. We pushed on till the cries were piercing my brain and all I saw was bright flashes of white light. We stopped at an underpass and luckily for us there were a pair of egrets fishing in the creek! Papa egret saw a threat of a duck and went to defend his woman up creak a bit, while Mama egret stayed to find a snack. She hunting like a pro, slowly stretching her long neck out to eye her pray, vigilantly, yet light footed, stepping though the water, till PLOP! Down went the beak and up came a big juicy frog! She looked at us with pride, with a frog leg sticking vicariously out of her beak, majestic creature.. This is when the kids started asking for lunch.
We rode on to Minnehaha Falls, found a picnic table, locked up the convoy, and ate our lunch.

Then we decided to do some hiking. I will be getting on my soap box for a second here to grip about Minneapolis- Back in the day a tremendous amount of land was set aside for a picturesque, park-like setting for the city. We have the creek, the falls, the river, and a plethora of lakes. Then someone came up with a whack job campaign telling folks to look, but not touch.. Fences were put up and lookouts were made, but DO NOT, under any circumstances get close. Well, that mentality is starting to fade away but in some places it is still a challenge to actually get to where you want to go. The kids and I had to jump two fences to get to the the falls.. LAME! OK, I am done with my rant.. We had a lovely time looking for crabs and fish.

Afterwards, I somehow convince the children it would be fun to hike the mile down to the river (which later I would regret, what with ALL the whining that ensued). We did make a friend along the way- which the girl named Sparky Hello Kitty (what she names EVERYTHING...) A snapping turtle.. We examined and followed her for a while then continued with our walk. Soon it turned treacherous as the trail faded away- so much

fun to navigate what was left of the eroding trial, the four year old was holding on to tree branches for her dear life!

We were soon upon the sandstone walls that people have been carving into for years- this is as true a testament of the history of the area as any museum- Mary DID love Steve, and some dude really WAS passionate about wanting pot legalized (I mean he did spent almost 20 minutes carving it into the side of a bluff..)

But finally we scrambled our way to the Mighty Mississippi. OK, back on my soap box- to all the jerks who had fires and lit off fireworks on the beach, pick up your shit when you leave.. Your trash was everywhere! Have a little respect for where you live... Sheesh. It was gross how much garbage was left.

The kids and I vow to bring trash bags next time we come to the river and start the trek back. And with the promise of ice cream at the end of the trail it was a quite enjoyable, and speedy, walk back!

Found this funny graffiti on the way which made me grin..

And of course had to stop and check to see if Sparky Hello Kitty was still around, but I think she bolted as fast as she could, I would imagine she got poked and prodded by many children that afternoon. And finally, what I hear was the absolute best, most fantastic, yummiest part of the day, ice cream....

We then found a swimming pool to clean off, I mean cool off in, and met dad at Longfellow Grill for dinner. Our hour long trip turned into a nine hour adventure! I love that the kids are getting older and able to just go with the flow.

Gnome Friend

2009-06-11T10:06:00.004-05:00

I have heard of this happening, but never thought I would get to experience it first hand- a gnome has made our garden it's home! I was pulling weeds around the day lilies the other day, which have become out of control, and I noticed a clearing in the center of the clump of plants and a little metal chair. The craftsmanship of the chair was sublime, as the welds of the chair were clean and metal work is very ornate. Fine gnome craftsmanship for sure!

According to the publication 'Gnomes' by Wil Nuygen, there are a pocket of gnomes located just South of Lake Superior, which would include the Twin Cities region. I believe I have a house gnome who are good natured, but mischievous. They often take up residence in the garden, but have been known to live in the walls of the home also.

We are very excited about our new friend and will share when he reappears!

The state of the garden..

2009-06-08T08:30:00.004-05:00

Patio with Cannas in the pots.

Corn.

Iris with ferns.

Fort Coal.

Annuals.

Another Canna.

Column I scored from the depths of Urban Outfitters basement years ago..

The vine on the trellis is a white Clematis, I lost one over the winter :(

My garden is almost on automatic- all I need to do is add annuals and vegetables. Oh and make the four trips to the mulch pile, and add compost, and weed, and condition the soil under the spruce.. Oh and replace plants that didn't make it because of the freaking frigid weather..

But otherwise the garden is looking established, and I am just as proud as a pickle!

WHAT IS THIS?

2009-06-04T10:33:00.003-05:00

I have a mystery plant here... Anyone know what it is?

I will be super embarrassed if it is a weed as I have already transplanted it into a prettier spot! :p

UPDATE

Well the two suggested identifications were Stinging Nettle and Catnip... So who do I use to test what plant this is, me or the cat?

It is Stinging Nettle, a pretty plant with lots of uses (anyone ever had Nettle Soup?) so I think I will keep it- but relocate it to a location where the kids don't run through it every day!

And no cats were harmed in the identification of this specimen....

Lame-ass blogger

2009-05-01T06:54:00.004-05:00

So I have not been writing as much as I had hoped this last semester, but I am taking the summer off and plan to write some short stories.. So please hold me to that- I am motivated by guilt!!!

Here are a few more drawings I have finished, to prove I haven't been completely unproductive this last few months..

Piranesi drawing.

2009-03-31T13:01:00.003-05:00

Well it is done- 42 hours of bitching and drawing and bitching and crying...
The game- there is a 8 1/2 x 11 xeroxed Peranesi drawing somewhere within mine, find it and win a virtual 'high five'!

2009-03-17T17:39:00.003-05:00

I am a weather freak! I want to know what is going to happen, when and where.. Just to be prepared, you know, in case of sudden changes (did I mention I am a control freak too?). today I found this- my new informer of the atmospheric events- dude weather

Fucking fantastic.

30 Second Bunnies Minisode - Bunnies: The Shining

2009-03-08T08:41:00.001-05:00

I saw The Shining or the first time last night. It was good- but the bunny version is better...

Ted

2009-02-20T19:44:00.003-06:00

So my Dad turned me onto Ted a few years ago with this video, now I am addicted. Check it out!

School work.

2008-12-30T10:54:00.007-06:00

This last semester was bad. Between having to help my little's with daycare and kindergarten adjustments and taking on too much at school, to the daily responsibilities of chores, grocery shopping, or homework, as well as having a personal meltdown over wanting to move to philly; I didn't do as well as I had hoped.

But really, good grades are for chumps...

I did produce some decent drawings, learned a bunch and wrote some fun papers. Here are some drafts I did.

DSCF0912.AVI

2008-11-30T19:05:00.001-06:00

To continue the theme of the foolish dancing brother....

Craig Cuts A Rug

2008-11-25T11:11:00.001-06:00

My brother

2008-11-11T08:45:00.004-06:00

"Urge Your Senators to Expand the Sudan Peace Act

Senator, slavery in the Sudan cannot over shadow the raids and destruction perpetrated by the American people against the world Gnome population. Enslaving Gnomes in gardens, like every other form of slavery, ought to be considered a crime against humanity. The stories of Gnome women and Gnome children abducted into bondage break my heart. We must do everything we can to stop this.

You can do your part by amending the Sudan Peace Act to include a ban on all companies, oil or otherwise, operating within America to list on the New York and NASDAQ exchanges. I understand that this would mean total desisting of all American companies and the collapse of the US capital markets, but isn't liberty for Gnomes worth that price? I hope you will move quickly to loudly express your support for this amendment - and to denounce Gnome slavery and genocide."
-A blip from Free the Gnomes

2008-10-17T09:52:00.001-05:00

Tee hehehehe! Funny!

I wouldn't put it on my car, but the blog is a different matter...

Scared stupid...

2008-10-13T22:26:00.004-05:00

Well, there has been some discussion in the last week on Mr. Obama and his religion. which peaked when the scared woman in Lakeville wispered to McCain, " "I have read about him. He's an Arab." Oh my.

This discussion started back in 2004, when a man named Andy Martin stated “Obama is a Muslim who has concealed his religion”, and that "Mr. Obama had once trained to overthrow the government." So I have to ask, Who is Andy Martin?

As told in this article, Andy Martin "is a law school graduate, but his admission to the Illinois bar was blocked in the 1970s after a psychiatric finding of “moderately severe character defect manifested by well-documented ideation with a paranoid flavor and a grandiose character.” Last week Mr. Martin was on Fox News discussing these claims, without a counter. Why is this chump getting national TV time?

And why does it matter what religion our presidential hopefuls are? Do we feel that if we share the same religious beliefs our interests will be better attended too? You could also say that if a woman is elected, women's interest would be brought to the foreground. Or a black president would focus on black interests.... Campbell Brown put it well here, "When did that become a disqualifier for higher office in our country? When did Arab and Muslim become dirty words? The equivalent of dishonorable or radical? Whenever this gets raised, the implication is that there is something wrong with being an Arab-American or a Muslim. And the media is complicit here, too."

Oh, and McCain, I do believe a "decent family man" could be a muslim too.

Geeesh, I want to be better then this, and I want my country to be better then this.

2008-10-07T15:11:00.000-05:00

My friend luci just sent me this! Freaking funny!!! (and OMG so true).

Serenade me buggy

2008-09-23T12:21:00.002-05:00

I love cicada's! I remember when I was about 15, it was one of those years when these lovelies came in the millions. There was a white noise of cicada song that felt so calming...

And according to wiki the girlies are prized, as they are meatier... if you want to eat one.

Funny pirates...

2008-09-16T12:01:00.002-05:00

Here is a great picture of Chuck and I. This is in Florida with our pirate band...

Portrait of a beer

2008-09-12T09:33:00.003-05:00

Now I am no professional photographer, not like my friends Kat and Nii, but I think this portrait could whoop their arses back to the darkroom any day... Yeah, I'm talkin' smack!

I LOVE LEGOS !!!!

2008-09-03T07:36:00.003-05:00

The boy and I challenged ourselves to a lego contest. I had to use ALL the yellow and he was in charge of the red. Needless to say, he started out strong but drifted to building race cars (it is his default mode). I stayed focused and worked hard to create this masterpiece!

What's blooming!

2008-08-29T13:57:00.008-05:00

So I had every intention of jumping on the train with the weekly blooming post, and here it is almost Sept. and I'm on board... Again- I'm quick like that!

I was looking at the camera I gave my husband for his Bday and it has MACRO! Dude, so excited!!!! So here are some pictures I took today in the garden.

Cardinal vine

Sunflower

Snap Dragon

Fuzzy Wuzzy stage of Clematis

Iris evacuated from Katrina

What in the world is this? Anyone? Anyone?

Indigo Yarrow

Sedum with cute bee's

Philadelphia

2008-08-28T10:14:00.004-05:00

So I went home last weekend and it was way too much fun and way too familiar and just way too much for my little heart to handle. I am feeling lost and lonely, but that's for another post...

Here are some highlights from my fabulous weekend:

-The smell of Philadelphia- metallic, garbagy, with a hint of piss- ahhh home..
-Going back to school shopping and eating fried rice with Gabe and the kids at the mall.
-Erik.
-Walking into Craig and Kat's house to a big welcome! (by Kat, Craig and all the booze soldiers lined up so proper like!)
-Playing pool, drinking rum, and sitting around the fire, or should I say passing out around the fire...
-Kat's awesome, most delicious pancakes.
-Trying to leave South Jersey- for hours.
-Craig's directions back to Philly.
-Babies in jars, corset crushed ribs and hunched backs.
-STEVE MATT, the Steve Matt special (cheese steak with mozzarella sticks nestled inside), Steve Matt's wife Kristie, Did I say Steve Matt?!?
-"May I bring you a bucket of ice for your bottle of Jameson?"
-"We fucked that sushi place up"
-Big Ben and his gold chain, good ol' Ben!
-A very clever plan to hit Steve in the face with our new ball!
-taxidermy, god, star wars and "Its so crazy in here!"
-Kristie kicking Craig's ass while Steve talks to my mom and Erik keeping my glass filled...
-Whose idea was it to do back flips?
-Erik turning left while Craig's GPS is yelling "RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT"!
-That waitress who did not put up with Craig's crap.
-Rolling into moms house at 4:30 am and passing out on the floor.
-A beautiful breakfast, in a lovely apt, with good friends and family.
-Walking into Tammy's house and seeing the whole family enjoying an old episode of Dr. Who.
-Tammy saying that when she finally move back to Philly from Chicago, "she was home"...

National Night Out

2008-08-14T09:24:00.002-05:00

Well, I have recovered from the shin-dig that happened last Tuesday night! We had the craziest party and there are still remnants of it on the front lawn...
The ingredients:
800 water balloons
50 paper lanterns (painted by the neighborhood kids)
pinata
scavenger hunt (for the shredded water balloons!)
72 beach balls (for the biggest dodge ball game EVER!)
Yummy food
And good conversations

Its just cool to have everyone together, putting aside all the tribulations of the block, and hang out...

2008-07-29T10:06:00.004-05:00

Went camping last weekend. As a kid I remember how fun camping was, running through the woods, climbing on fallen trees and searching for new and unusual bugs. We would spend the mornings canoeing through quiet waters looking for beaver damns or birds catching a snack. In the evening I loved sitting by the fire with the family, talking to each other and watching the stars. As a kid I would forget all the troubles at home and just live in the moment of those fun days and peaceful nights. Last weekend my kids experienced everything I loved about camping and it made me feel like I am doing okay by them.

2008-06-19T07:24:00.004-05:00

After a long day of caring for the children, household chores, running errands, doing algebra homework and four and a half hours of math class, I am done. I pull up at home, on my bike, ready to spend a quality moment with Charlie.
And this is what I am greeted with-

The maturity level around here astounds me sometimes.

Garage sale score!

2008-06-17T09:56:00.007-05:00

Well they weren't really a score but what I wanted.... I have been meaning to plant up the boulevard, but with 30 some kids on the block who seem to converge on my front lawn every night, having plants out front is flora homicide. And with these box we all win, however I am the only one who imagines them as plant boxes- So far I have seen them become ships in the high sea, surrounded with sharks. An arena for gladiators to battle till the death. A trapeze so thin and wiggly that imminent death is just a tragic slip (or push) away. A bunker to ambush the enemy with water guns. An archeological excavation to uncover a rare and extinct breed of monster trucks. And a nice place to sit and eat popsicles on a hot summer evening...

My mini rain garden

2008-06-17T09:21:00.002-05:00

I finally got this in, only two months after the Metro Bloom rain garden class- I'm quick like that...

The plants I choose :
long headed coneflower
heuchera villosa "caramel
blackberry lily
columbine
2 avalanche feather reed grass
and good ol' karl foester

It will collect the water via gutter off the southeast corner of the house. The only problem is over a year ago we pulled off the gutters to paint the house with plans to put up new soffits and gutters, and the project is moving right along at slug like pace... We almost have the soffits up but no sign of gutters yet! Summer is so hard, you finally shake off that awful thing that is winter and you are set free! but the projects hang over your like a ton of bricks, totally dampering the whole skipping through the meadows image I have of my summer...

2008-06-06T18:04:00.003-05:00

The moment one gives close attention to anything,
even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome,
indescribably magnificent world in itself.
- Henry Miller

My grass is finally here- And it is nice...

Popeye the Sailor in Gopher Spinach

2008-06-06T08:26:00.004-05:00

I got my letter from the U, I am officially a gopher!

I promise to think of the gophers when I am a landscape architect... We must learn to work together for a more sustainable environment for all the people and rodents of the world.

2008-05-30T09:42:00.005-05:00

The sun has finally warmed up the Midwest enough to venture outside again, and I have been taking full advantage of it and gardening like crazy.

I love mulch, especially free mulch that the city provides! I would mulch the whole yard if my tribe would let me, but they like grass for some reason- waste of good planting space and water in my opinion. But I am attempting to reseed the small patch left of my nemesis. No little fluffs of new green grass yet, but I guess it has only been 7 days. Still my patience is being tried...

I thought I had lost this Clematis to morning glories but they came back with a feisty spirit and next year should fill this trellis. The sooner the better, as copper is a hot commodity here in Minneapolis and I was terrified it would be ripped off before I got something growing on it!

Silly grass- grow already! I hate you.

Me and Peggy Lee

2008-04-09T17:10:00.013-05:00

This is a photo project I did. I wasn't sure which peggy lee quote to use. It baffled me to the point of not using anything for the showing...

What do you think-

I can scoop up a great big dipper full of lard from the drippins can
Throw it in the skillet, go out & do my shopping, be back before it melts in the pan
I can rub & scrub this old house til it's shinin like a dime
Feed the baby, grease the car, & powder my face at the same time
If you come to me sickly you know I'm gonna make you well
If you come to me all hexed up you know I'm gonna break the spell
If you come to me hungry you know I'm gonna fill you full of grits
I can stretch! a green black dollar bill from here to kindom come!
'Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again.....

Or-

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If thats all there is my friends, then lets keep dancing
Lets break out the booze and have a ball
If thats all there is

My pretty bike

2008-04-06T14:31:00.006-05:00

After years of dragging brakes, shifters that don't shift, and a mucky chain that felt like I was pulling a bus behind me, my bike is fixed- and it looks snazzy! Thank you Charlie :)

So I jumped on it this morning and as soon as I got to where I was going, it starts to rain, stranding me at circus practice.

It is going to rain all week long... High 5 irony.

College

2008-03-25T07:33:00.003-05:00

My college essay is due now and for some reason I cannot get it done. It is weighing over me like a cement truck, affecting everything I do. Maybe deep down inside I don't want to be a gopher...

This is how I started it:

As a young child my father began to instill in me the importance of college; that an education would allow me the freedom to make my dreams come true. As I got older he continued his crusade but I became aware of choices that did not include a formal education. I had dreams of traveling the world and having my education be that of a more “worldly” format. I was going to go to Europe to visit old cities, travel to Alaska and climb mountains, as well as bask in the glow of a sunset from beaches around the world. My dream made perfect sense, since my skills in the classroom were meager at best, I would be a student of the world. And as soon as I got my college money, much to my father’s dismay, I was out the door. I drove across Canada. I flew to London, Amsterdam, Paris, Berlin, Lisbon, and Athens. Every place I went I would then mentally check it off my list, another significant city done. I went to Cabo San Lucas, La Paz, Todos Santos, I traveled all over the United States: Austin, Chicago, Fairbanks and Salt Lake City. But during my travels I forgot an important aspect of my schooling, the educational side, and it became an issue of quantity over quality. My worldly education became no more then a list of cities and a handful of change from different countries.

And I ask myself is it wrong to write about running away with college money in an essay to a college I would like to attend?

Lonely

2008-03-24T09:22:00.002-05:00

So because I have no life and am inept to keep up with friends- I am going to write what is going on in my life, what I am thinking about and what is making me frustrated at the moment.

2007-09-29T16:49:00.001-05:00

“The reliance on fossil fuels has left our atmosphere contaminated by various pollutants, and the earth threatened by global warming. Irresponsible agriculture practices have poisoned groundwater with pesticides and other chemicals while depleting the topsoil. Industrial processes produce thousands of tons of toxic wastes, while nuclear power plants leave behind radioactive waste that will pose potential health hazards for thousands of years.” Our culture, our technology, our environment, our superiority and our curse.
In the documentary, “An Inconvenient Truth”, we are walked through the state of our world and how it is our moral obligation to change some key ways in which we use our technology to save our world. A little daunting, as we will have to modify the way we live, but completely attainable. The thing is, this is not a new revelation. We have been facing environmental issues for a long time.
One example is about 2900 years ago the Polynesians inhabitant of Easter Island. The settlers found the island to have fertile land, a dense and diverse forest and lush grasses. Life was good; they had many children with a population peaking around 6000. Needless to say, “the island could not support this amount of people and it could not regenerate resources fast enough”. The ecosystem was altered so radically, many species died, including most of the settlers, and the land became unsustainable. Another example is the deforestation in the sixteenth century by England. “Vast quantities of wood had been consumed by the demands of an expanding population and the growth of shipbuilding, construction and iron manufacture”. The forests were depleted. So instead of acting responsibly and with conservation in mind, England replaced their renewable resource with a non-renewable resource- coal.
I found “An Inconvenient Truth” to be very powerful; reaching the masses unlike most documentaries that just preach to the choir. And I can see the effect it is having on bringing the environment to the forefront of issues- Al Gore’s senate hearings on global warming, Tim Pawlenty’s extensive bill on renewable energy and the EU acting internally to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 2012. But why is this taking so long?
Another aspect of the movie I found interesting was the focused attention on Al Gore and his history with global warming and politics. This portion of the movie made me feel as if there were an ulterior motive – a presidential platform maybe? Thus bringing Gore’s agenda to the forefront, ahead of the environment. I would like to see us humans make a moral decision on global warming without any of the usual suspects (money, politics, agendas) tainting the issue at hand.

GM

2007-09-29T16:48:00.001-05:00

“The pace of change at GM has never been faster, and it won’t slow down any time soon. As we launch this annual update of our guidelines for employee conduct, Winning With Integrity, now is a good time for all of us to reflect on things that do not change at GM: our core values”. “Integrity is not optional at GM. We live it every day. It guides our decisions, our work, and our commitment to correct mistakes when we spot them. It guides us whether the company is riding high or battling through tough stretches. Integrity transcends borders and language; it’s all about promoting a culture that demands and supports proper business conduct. Doing the right thing day-in and day-out is essential to our reputation and our success”. 1 -Rick Wagoner, CEO GM

I think Michael Moore would disagree with Rick on this! With the trend to layoff, shutdown and outsource, GM is blatantly disregarding the last two, maybe three generations, who built the foundation of the company. But is it a company’s responsibility to be loyal to its employees, shareholders or profit margins? Or can you integrate all three with integrity? The Body Shop did with a philosophy of profits with principles. Whole Foods believes all levels of employees are an equal part of the company. This holistic approach makes for a stronger community within the company, from the producers or manufacturers, to the environmental impact. Which in turn will lead to sustainable development- that we meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs.

When workers who have no control over capital investment, product development, design, marketing and advertising decisions shouldn’t suffer because of the failures of these factors. The assembly line took away the well-rounded worker and replaced them with a disposable number. “The destruction of worker skills through mechanization and rigid centralized controls is self defeating, for an ignorant and hostile workforce means production losses as well as high cost for maintenance and direct supervision.”2 But there are some advantages for the disposable number; higher turnover rates are able to introduce new talent, cost savings through resetting salaries and a different demographic mix or a better distribution of age groups.

Corporate Social Responsibility activities seem to be most effective in achieving social or environmental goals when there is a direct link to profits. But that is why companies are started- to make money. Though, It is nice to see some companies, like The Body Shop, who are very successful and have achieved it with integrity and responsibility. Michael Moore captured GM’s intentions for the future of the company and it’s employees beautifully in “Roger & Me” when he is interviewing the rabbit woman. She is holding a cute little bunny, caressing it softly and talking to it sweetly and Moore asks what is to become of this rabbit, She replies, “Oh, this one is my dinner.”

For The Love Of Technology

2007-09-29T16:47:00.001-05:00

Which would influence our lives more; a painting full of rich lush colors, blended together with thought and skill, brush strokes and layers of deep paint perfectly harmonized together to simulate a whole image, an image we may hope to gaze at longingly for hours, if we get the chance to visit it? Or the same image with all its beauty and richness captured in two dimensions, printed tens of thousands of times by an optical photo-conducting drum, which is used to transfer this fine black toner to the page. The drum then has to be charged to cause static electricity to repel the toner. Now with the drum charged, a laser shoots in and strafes the drum at about 300 pulses a minute. And poof, we all can buy a print of the painting, hang it in our home and look at it whenever we want. Craftsmanship versus technology and knowledge versus accessibility; which will sustain us as a whole as well as bring passion to the individual?
In Brave New World and 1984 the main characters, John and Winston, both longed for the beauty and individuality of life. In their worlds they saw a system that was flawed and an order without consciousness- for order does not allow for autonomy. If the system is to run properly all the fundamentals of that system must work in correlation with each other. In Brave New World the people were made of that system and into an element of the system, and the way to keep the machine working was soma. Through conditioned happiness and dulled senses the organization of the system was maintained. 1984’s organization worked because the energy and skills of the population were united by the use of fear. But the system in 1984 was still in infancy, the elements were unevenly developed, the goals were vague and the technology crude leaving the viewer uncomfortable and disgusted. Brave New World presents their technology as human progress in a pretty little test tube package (that probably smells nice), leaving the viewer believing a benevolent oppression is better then a violent oppression.
Our natural state, that is who we are intrinsically and how we interact with our environment, is unbalanced with technology. If a system can have an uneven process- one technology not keeping up with another- cannot humans be one of those variables? Humans are creating without understanding the consequences. We need technology because we want technology, but who takes responsibility for what it is doing to our natural state?
Without the Winston’s and John’s of the world the goal would be taken at face value and there would be no checks and balances to curb the effects of technology. We would all have very lovely, high quality printed artwork in our homes without having the tediousness of braving the elements to experience the “real thing”.

The Road Less Traveled is Not the American Way.

2007-09-29T16:42:00.000-05:00

This is a paper I wrote about Naomi Shihab Nyes "Newcomer to a Troubled Land " essay.

As a child I dreamed of running away. I was going to go to Europe to visit old cities, winding country roads and view an enormous amount of artwork. I also wanted to go to Alaska to climb mountains and to bask in the glow of a sunset from every beach. I just wanted to go, go, go. And as soon as I got my college money, I was out the door- I went to Canada and played in every city. I went to London, Amsterdam, Paris, Berlin, Lisbon, and Athens... Every place I went I would then mentally check it off my list, another trophy city done. I went to Cabo San Lucas, La Paz, Todos Santos check, check, check. I traveled all over the United States- Austin, check. Chicago, check. Salt Lake City, check. I went to Fairbanks and on the way saw Denali, check. But I was so determined to see everything that I forget to look, to really stop and look at all these wonderful sights. I did Italy in two weeks, how can you absorb Rome, Venice and Florence in two weeks? I ran blindly. My trophy list is all I have from those years with just a few memories here and there. I was the perfect model of what America is producing now- a one-dimensional girl with no attention span. I only cared about racking up points to claim the prize at the end.
Naomi Shihab Nye’s essay “Newcomers to a Troubled Land” implies that words and destinations are subjective. Without the rich history and exploration along the way the meaning and depth may be lost. So to skip along in this multicultural world we live in is detrimental to our connection to people, the land and history.

Nye’s essay reflects an innocent journey through moments of her life as she explores this diverse world and the words we use (or don’t use) to connect ourselves to our people and land. She starts with her son renaming himself after arbitrary items, but today he is Madison (his actual name). He is writing his name, then his mothers name underneath, and he discovers all the letters of Naomi can be found in Madison. Her name lives in his name. The meaning of her first name Naomi is “pleasant”, with her last name Shihab meaning shooting star. Nye claims that her names, as a child, were hard to live up to so she tries on more common names like Susie and Debbie.
She writes about watching the assembly of the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. What would happen if the last piece were set in place and it came crashing down? Or it didn’t fit? All that groundwork for nothing. The phrase “Gateway to the West” sounds so inviting; it doesn’t lead us to the bloody massacre that happened to “win” the west.
Nye touches on the missionaries not leaving her father alone, “like coming into someone else’s neighborhood and telling them how to do things”(397). Nye also writes about her trip to Hawaii over Christmas. She went to church and the daughter of last king of Hawaii sat behind her. A woman of elegance in all black, a queen-like presence in a sea of “Christmas patterned Aloha shirts” (398). A princess participating gracefully in the customs of the people who took her world away.
The name “Nye” comes from a group of Sweden’s who fled their country and resettled in Denmark in the thirteenth century. When Nye first met her husband she was intrigued with the name and really enjoyed taking ownership of it when they married. They had a Nye party- inviting all the Nye’s in town over. Also a family trip is planned to visit the original Nye homestead on Cap Cod. She is overjoyed to see how others are occupying the name and at the same time how she is adding to the history of it.
The Nye family decided to take a road trip to Oregon. Along the way a town named Nye is spied on the map and the family is elated. They must go visit! Nye dreamed about the café they would have lunch at and the neighborly people that would show them around. She panics when they drive up and there is nothing, absolutely nothing.
Nye finally writes about a nanny who had her husband confused with another Nye and how the memory and history may mean more then the reconnection.

Throughout Nye’s essay she explores names, her son’s name and her name hidden in it. She will be there with him forever, but she fears where “there” is. Our world is so meshed; will he find his identity? Will he remember his heritage? When children are raised in a multicultural environment we tend to believe they would be open to others and their differences. But a lot of people in America do not tolerate differences. We need to explore others lives, walk in their history and understand that this end point where we have met is just an intersection in a long, traveled road. Without sharing the journey with others (and embracing it ourselves) we disconnect from each other and become one-dimensional.
One of my favorite parts of the essay is Nye writing about the “Gateway to the West”.
“ I stood with my St. Louis schoolmates as the last gleaming silver segment of the Gateway Arch was swung into place by a giant crane. We held our breaths, imagining a crash as the parts clanged together, or a terrible disaster if the piece were to slip loose. Worst yet, what if the section didn’t fit?” (396-397) White American’s acquired the west through brutality. What would have happened if the west didn’t fit with the east? We built this land from the legs up and if the finishing pieces did not connect what would happen to the stability of the country as a whole? As a multicultural society we need to have the foundation set in place to hold the rest of us together. We are not a melting pot swooshing all the cultures together and watering them down, but instead a country made of different people working as a whole. All Americans need to strive to retain the integrity of their culture and at the same time, share it with others. Creating a road for future generations that embraces them individually and as part of the entire land.
Nye wrote of the Oregon settlers,” how many got all the way there, paused a while, and turned back. What was it they didn’t find?” (400). We are so busy going forward, planning the future, and finding the quickest route, we forget to use our senses. To stop, look and listen to the streams or to feel the land between our toes. We need to explore our history and people and get to know our surroundings. There is so much here to discover, why should we hastily keep moving? We ought to bring our rushing life to a standstill and learn to understand people and their relation to this land. I am no longer interested in the prize at the end, but instead traveling within my day, savoring the moment. Nye quotes Pablo Neruda who says “Why wasn’t Christopher Columbus able to discover Spain?” (397). If we are not able to know the land we live on how can we know any other?
The Oregon trip opens Nye’s eyes to how we have traded the intimacies of travel for good gas mileage, a trusted atlas and hotels. She reads about the pioneers on the Oregon Trail and all the hardships they had, but still they experienced the land and allied with fellow travelers. Nye yearns for this kind of connection. When she discovers the town of Nye along the way, she is elated. Again Nye is going to connect with people on an arbitrary notion but then discover their history. When Nye finds the town empty, she panics. She spent her childhood toying with more suitable names within this culture; she scoffed at the misconstrued name of the Arch in St. Louis, and finally she married into the name Nye, full of roots buried deep in the American soil, for what? Although she uses the name to catapult herself into the history, it in itself, at times, is empty.
One evening Nye got a call from a nanny who used to watch a boy who shared her husbands name, “Honey! I took care of babies all my life and no baby ever got into my heart like that little Nye did”(403). It was the wrong Nye. If the words and destinations are arbitrary, then the connection must happen in the journey. A shared moment. People should slow down and enjoy our experiences together. In the end it will open us up to each other, our history and land.

I agree with what Nye is requesting of us, to stop and talk to strangers. It will not solve major world problems or the inhumane treatment of people. But individually we would feel more a part of our community and this space we share. And down the road maybe this local level of understanding would grow and make it better for the next generation. Nye is passionate in her desire for us to connect on a deeper level. She wants us to open the lines of communication and cross barriers so we can develop a better perception of this multicultural world. We should have a better relationship with the people, the land and our history so we can be open to others and their differences. It is not enough to struggle to retain our own integrity in this troubled land; instead we need to talk to strangers and hear their story. To run blindly with our hands tied through a world full of light and texture is tragic. I am ready to stop running. I feel like I missed so much when I was traveling, moving and not experiencing. But I am here, standing still.

Mommy! The Anti-Feminist!

2007-09-29T16:39:00.002-05:00

On my nightstand lies a book, Jean Genet’s Our Lady of the Flowers. I bought this book seven years ago (one from my “must read” list). Back then I would go to a café and read a book cover to cover in an afternoon. I would create the characters in my head and relate the situations to my life. I lived the book, throwing my whole being into the story, trying to understand the deeper purpose the author had for writing it. And when I finished, I would indulge in a cigarette and a last cup of coffee, contemplating the story with a feeling of ease and fulfillment. Those afternoons felt so good, and I felt so good…
Back to my book on the nightstand; Our Lady of the Flowers was taken off my bookshelf over two years ago while I was pregnant with my second child. I am not even close to finishing it yet. I see it while folding laundry. I see it while cleaning the bathroom. I see it when playing hide and seek. And when dusting it off, I see a time when my self was an important, nurtured, cared for, being. A person whose body, soul and creativity was attentively looked after and was flourishing.
Now I want to be clear, raising my children has been the most enlightening experience I have ever been through. To have a child blossom into a little person before my eyes has been absolutely amazing. And to have the satisfaction that I have instilled in that little person a set of morals that are going to enhance and guide them for the rest of their lives is empowering. But, for the last four years it has truly been all about them; for me there was not a lot of self-nurturing in child rearing. And if I did get the occasional block of time where I could try to finish my book, I was just too tired…Sorry Mr. Genet, maybe another time.

The sisterhood of women has hit a wall. How did it happen that by making the choice to stay home or to continue working after having children would pit us against each other? Mother verses mother. The family is a necessary part of life, with all its joy and exhaustedness, a hard job that can break your spirit at times. Then to have fellow sisters slinging insults at you because you choose differently is unsettling.

Here are a few I have gotten, “It must be nice to sit at home all day. Don’t you want to do more with your life? We don’t all have time like you. Doesn’t it bother you to be dependant on your husband?” And here are a few insults from stay at home Mothers to working mothers, “How can you let someone else raise your child? Don’t you miss your kids? You have so much going on, how can you give 100% to any one thing?” “In today’s society if you walk up to a woman and ask what is her career, if the answer is ‘I’m a stay at home mom, people tend to look down on her. But if she is a working Mom, they might ask, ‘how do you do it all?’” (Stay-At-Home Mothers Vs. Mothers Who Return to Work, Developmental Psychology News Letter) Guilt verses shame, uncertainty verses embarrassment, are we not all mothers? We are on the same team!
The stay-at-home mothers do give up a big part of their autonomy, their children are the focus and their own needs get put on the back burner. But, the working Mother does all that the stay at home mother does and she “works for her own psychological well-being” (Stay-At-Home Mothers Vs. Mothers Who Return to Work, Developmental Psychology News Letter) and economic stability, which will trickle down to make a happier home. Of course there is not always a choice involved. Both parents may need to work to make ends meet. Or single parents need to have a quality option for daycare while they work. Parenting is full of unique challenges for all involved, whether you stay at home or return to work. We need to work together to change the way corporate America treat Mothers in the workforce, we need to have quality daycare available to everyone and we need to respect each women’s choice.
For me, child rearing was never my first choice, but a layoff two months before my first child was born made up my mind for me. I always expected either my husband or I would be the ones caring for our children so we never considered daycare. We just happened to slip into these roles for a while, stay at home Mom and working Dad; it works and the family is flourishing as a whole. There have been many sacrifices made, but it is not forever. I am a stoic workaholic that takes her job very seriously. And I have brought that home with me.
So, if you come to my house, it will be clean; my children will excitedly show you all their favorite toys; there will be a fresh pot of coffee, and I will most likely have lipstick on. But don’t ask me what books I have read lately, because the books I read nowadays are not of the likes of Our Lady Of The Flower, but instead Where The Wild Things Are and The Giving Tree, equally important and truly “must reads”.

I am a Bad Friend

2007-02-09T21:33:00.000-06:00

Tonight I gave a PowerPoint presentation for my speech class and none of the pictures came up, it was just a blank screen screaming "loser" behind me. I was so sad. I had put hours upon hours of work into this show, lots of cool pictures following perfectly my super cool itinerary. I was just so sad...

So after class I took a drive, partly to think things out and partly to avoid having to give my kids a bath, and I got to thinking about friendship. I am a lousy friend, I mean a really lousy friend. The way I handle friendships is fleeting, just like my PowerPoint. I put so much into it and then forget about the logistics and mechanics of it. My power point failed because I forgot to convert my pictures that were in my Mac to pictures a PC could recognize, duh... My friendships fail because I don't follow through, I build the foundation and then let it fade away, leaving me with the question of, "Was it me? Did I do something wrong?" Or "was it them?" But now I know, I have no stamina for a true friendship. I race in gung ho and then let it gently fly away. I don't even bother to put in the time to fight for it, just stand there with my hanky waving to it in the wind, ignoring the pounding rock of guilt that resides in my belly.

So this is a list of my failed friendships:

My first friend I can remember is Tanya. She had flaming red hair and was as sweet as could be. I was in kindergarten with her and she lived across the street. It was perfect- two little monkeys, inseparable. Then my parents decided to move (a reoccurrence in my life). Tanya wrote her address down, with the help of her Mother, so we could be pen pals. I never wrote her...

Later, In New Jersey where my Dad was transferred, I met Winona. She was Native American and super beautiful. Her hair was long and dark, and her eyes gently pierced through you. We hung out everyday and she would teach me about animals and how they were actually spirits and stuff... I was in second grade so my grasp on it was pretty juvenile, “you mean my cat Jingle's could be a relative, like Grandma?"... Anyway, I decided she wouldn't like coming to my birthday party so I didn't invite her, I genuinely thought she would have a bad time- she seemed so mature and beyond parties. I was wrong and she never talked to me again.

In junior high my best friend was Tammy. She went to the Catholic school and I went to public. We would meet before school in her apartment (I lived down the hall) and get ready for the day. All of our collective clothes were piled in her messy closet and each morning all outfits were tried on with desperation to look like the prettiest. Tammy had it worse because she had to find a sweater and earring combination that would make her polyester uniform look less retched... Then we would head into the bathroom and start curling. We curled and curled till I looked like Shirley Temple and Tammy (who's hair was very short) looked like she had an Afro. Then we would comb it all out and hairspray the hell out of it- our hair stood tall and proud.
Anyway, between the both of us we didn’t have many friends so it nice to have her around. By 8th grade I was slipping into thrift store clothing that only came in black and listening to Violent Femmes instead of Huey Lewis (one of Tammy's favorites). Plus she had done a report in school, with visual aides that ended up pinned to her wall, on how cool Reagan was as a president. As we slowly drifted away from each other I didn’t bother to put in the time to save this friendship, I was far too busy lacing up my boots.

Mary was a good, good friend that I wronged on two separate occasions. We met at the end of 9th grade; she had this bohemian quality and seemed far beyond her years. Her parents had pretty much abandoned her and she was living with her sister’s family. We were on the lacrosse team together and became instant best friends. School ended and we went to the Jersey shore for a week with her sister as our chaperone. We hung out on the boardwalk and met boys with skateboards (the best kind of boys, in my book). I ended up under the boardwalk kissing one of these cute boys’s. When I came up for air Mary was in tears running away from me, the moonlight bouncing off her long hair… I finally caught her and asked what happened? It turned out that this trip was not for kissing boys… We were never as close after that and she moved away.
The second time I literally lost Mary. We had a surprise reunion in Montreal (a stop while on my way to Europe). I was traveling with my friend Ben and we invited Mary along. She agreed, dropped out of McGill, and we jumped on the plane. My Mom was living in London so we stayed there for a week. Within that week I discovered my travel mates couldn’t stand each other… Fabulous. So we split up my time between them- Mary and I would go to Greece, then I would meet Ben in Italy, Mary in Portugal… And so on. This schedule worked out well until Portugal. I couldn’t find Mary! I couldn’t find the Café we were to meet at so I slept at the train station hoping to run into her in route. I finally called my Mom in tears, telling her I lost Mary. I was holding her boat ticket back to London and figured “oh well”. I sold the ticket and never saw her again. I heard she is living in San Francisco now.

Skipping ahead to Owen. We met at work and became instant friends. He was a display artist at a retail store and I was a manager. We would hide in his basement office and dream of all the things we should be doing instead of working. Finally we did quit to do something more exciting- we started a furniture business. That would be less work and more fun… Needless to say it was so much work it hurt! We would work fifteen-hour days and spent way too much money. Owen and I made some beautiful furniture but no one was buying it. We went further and further into dept- so it was decided he needed a job. I was in school full time and working two jobs already. Owen ended up funding the Company, and was the transportation (I didn’t drive,) and he did most of the selling, and so on… I let him and only did what was asked of me. I was busy with school and was tired of working so much. I wasn’t as committed as in the beginning and was just going through the motions. Our friendship finally exploded into pieces…
The company was closed down and it was a messy divorce of two friends.

My friend Jane and I first met in upholstery school. We would talk casually in school but we became really close in a furniture shop where we were both upholsterers. We talked incessantly all day, about everything under the sun. She was so sweet. It turned out we had some mutual friends and started hanging out outside of work. I asked her to be my maid of honor at both my weddings (another story). I liked Jane so much I was making a conscious effort not to mess this up. The furniture shop we worked at closed down so I asked her to move into my studio space, along with some other friends. We would do upholstery jobs together, go see bands together or just hang out talking. I felt like I had, at last, gotten it. I was a good friend and I had a good friend. But alas, it was not meant to be. We lost the studio. I decided to move into a smaller studio with another friend. And Jane made no effort to continue the friendship. I never bothered to ask why. I knew.

2007-02-09T20:56:00.000-06:00

When children are raised in a multicultural environment we tend to believe they would be open to others and their differences. To be open to exploring others lives, walk in their history and understand that this point where we have met is just an intersection in a long, traveled road. Without sharing the journey with others (and embracing it ourselves) we disconnect from each other and become one-dimensional. Without the rich history and exploration along the way the meaning and depth may be lost. So to skip along in this multicultural world we live in is detrimental to our connection to people, the land and history.
We built this land from the legs up and if the finishing pieces did not connect what would happen to the stability of the country as a whole? As a multicultural society we need to have the foundation set in place to hold the rest of us together. We are not a melting pot swooshing all the cultures together and watering them down, but instead a country made of different people working as a whole. All Americans need to strive to retain the integrity of their culture and at the same time, share it with others. Creating a road for future generations that embraces them individually and as part of the entire land.
We are so busy going forward, planning the future, and finding the quickest route, we forget to use our senses. To stop, look and listen to the streams or to feel the land between our toes. We need to explore our history and people and get to know our surroundings. There is so much here to discover, why should we hastily keep moving? We ought to bring our rushing life to a standstill and learn to understand people and their relation to this land. I am no longer interested in the prize at the end, but instead traveling within my day, savoring the moment
We need to stop and talk to strangers. It will not solve major world problems or the inhumane treatment of people. But individually we would feel more a part of our community and this space we share. And down the road maybe this local level of understanding would grow and make it better for the next generation. The lines of communication need to be open so we can cross barriers and develop a better perception of this multicultural world. We should have a better relationship with the people, the land and our history in order to be open to others and their differences. It is not enough to struggle to retain our own integrity in this troubled land; instead we need to talk to strangers and hear their story. To run blindly with our hands tied through a world full of light and texture is tragic. I am ready to stop running. I am here, standing still.

2006-10-12T23:13:00.000-05:00

Like Water Off A Duck's Back.

So my Step-mom and Father visited this past week. I see them maybe twice a year and that works out just fine. My father and I talk about the family and gas prices then he will usually find one quirky thing I do and tease me about it for a week (this year it was the shape of my poor, over used coffee maker). It is a perfect relationship- we chitchat, with a little bit of mockery peppered in. My Step-mom is very different. She is very articulate, well rounded and loves to hear herself have a discussion. So when she talks, you sit and nod while she explains, then she explains again from another angle. And in her very persuasive, around the mountain way she will tell you what is best for your life. She is the queen of euphemisms.
I am the most sensitive girl on the planet. If my husband says to me “boy, it’s been a while since you have been to the gym, do you not have time right now?” I am ruined for the next couple of days. Or if my ex- boyfriend -who decided to write a blog of our whole long, tedious, and tragic story of a relationship- then post it online, I get a bit self-conscious. But my step-mom saying “ Minneapolis is the most wonderful place to raise a family and it would be a shame for the kids if you moved the whole family on a whim…” right after I told her that I wanted to move and start my new life in a city that caters to a particular career I was thinking of having… Well that is just dream squishing!

My husband told me this story when we first met:
Two sages, one young and one old, were silently walking in the forest. They came to a river and standing there was a woman figuring out how she was going to cross. She asked for help and the older sage picked her up and carried her across, the younger sage followed. The woman thanked him and they went their separate ways. The sages walked on for quite a while in silence and then the younger one said to the older “ It was inappropriate that you carried that woman across the river”.
The older sage replied, “ Why are you still carrying her?”

There is nothing more I would like if I could be thick skinned. To let these comments wash off of me and walk away. So it got me thinking, if the euphemisms were hard, how would I handle the truth? Just a decent conversation between two adults telling each other how they felt. Could I handle it? So I tried it. I talked, he talked, we were honest and to the point. I cried then I walked away. I new the truth and there were no misinterpretations. I have got to believe that is better- but in the end they both hurt.

Euphemisms may protect our feelings on the small stuff that, for some reason, still affect our happiness. But what about the big stuff? People’s perceptions of what is important are so different and that line between the big and small stuff is so gray- we are dooming ourselves to more white lies about bigger issues just to spare our feelings. When did we become afraid of feelings? We don’t need protection from them we need to embrace them and learn from them- then we can stop carrying them.

2006-10-12T22:32:00.000-05:00

Are our words losing their power? As language evolves we are bombarded with catchy phrases and cleaver twists of common words. But is the impact of them then changed to a shallow, cool version of the words rich history? Words that can be traced back to their Latin roots and have withstood the test of time- retaining value through wars and depressions, scholarly discoveries and exploration. They are now reduced to a bumbling chain of syllables that a lot of people do not understand much less respect. Or is this the modern twist on the evolution of a word?

The hip-hop culture is famous for reworking words or coming up with completely new words. And although slang has always played a part in history, the hip-hop artists are taking it to a new level; the words are changing so fast and so far from their origins, that it is almost a new language- a person needs to be encircled in it to keep up. But why do they do this? Does it give the culture validity when a language accompanies it? I believe hip-hop is more then just the music, the bling-bling and the alliance to their hometown. It has become a lifestyle, and every lifestyle comes with standards. Kind of like a class standard, the middle class has behaviors and language that they are accustom to, as do the upper and lower classes. The hip-hop community has taken words and made them their own, giving them relevance in that pretence. The gay lifestyle has a culture and language, as do republicans and democrats, and certainly religions have a lifestyle and wording that is significant to their beliefs. When grouped together for whatever reason (interests, social status, religion, upbringing, etc.) we develop a repertoire, our gesturing become similar, and our language is assimilated, we become familiar and accepted. If we look at lifestyles with the same respects as class then slang is a acceptable way of speaking to each other and the integrity of the word is intact.

I believe the power in a word is determined with how it is said, in what pretence and how it is received. If those three things are authentic then a word retains its history and, although many may not like where words are evolving to, slang is a respectable part of our language.

2006-10-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

In the article by Mary Jane Smetanka “College students are wired, but can they connect?” she discusses the devotion and dependence this generation has on technology, and if it is a positive influence.

These days we cannot go anywhere and not see a laptop, cell phone or Blackberry. We have intertwined these items into our lives making them necessary tools to navigate ourselves through this world. We have connected ourselves to this web of information, communication and friendships- but our connection is through short blurbs of words and symbols, and through images of little cartoon faces showing our emotion. We are essentially doing to ourselves what cartoons and video games are doing to our children, shortening our attention span as well as killing any sort of depth in our thoughts and conversations. Can a cyberspace rapport replace an intimate or social connection?

Through all the ways to connect: e-mail, text messaging, online chatting, etc. I think the strangest one is the social alliance on websites like Myspace, Friendster, facebook and youtube. The interesting thing about socializing online is your identity can be embellished or distorted and that is perfectly normal. We post our perfect pictures and fill out our perfect profiles and we come up with cleaver comments- we are whoever we want to be.
I miss hanging out with people and getting to know all their idiosyncrasies and uniqueness; online we are just a bunch of boring, pretty faces saying mind-numbing things. The art of text messaging is just as bad; shortening a conversation to a series of one line, shallow banters. Of course there are exceptions, noted in the article, Kayeed Abdulali says “instant messaging is an amazing tool that allows him to stay in touch with family and friends from Tanzania and England to India and Spain”. And the U of M sophomore Sara Genrich said “ it’s like a substitute for hanging out with friends. This year, I don’t have time to do that”. This technology is a wonderful tool and when used to aid our lives, in school or the workplace, saves a lot of time. But when it becomes all consuming and we exchange going to the bar with friends Friday night, or going to the coffee shop with your best friend to vent about your week, we lose intimacy. When I have time to spend with friends I want the whole package.

That being said I need to come clean that I have checked my e-mail numerous times while writing this paper, my I-pod is sitting to the right of my laptop and my phone is to the left. I am ready to connect…